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The Worst Self-Help Books....Ever

From: Slushpile Hell

Another SlushPile Hell contest was held Thursday on Twitter. And there was much rejoicing.

We asked you to come up with THE WORST SELF-HELP BOOK…EVER (yeah, I know, we did the same thing with children’s books last week—are you surprised?). Too many entries to count this time, and a wealth of comedy gold. Here are the goldest of the golden gold.

Congrats to the WINNER!

@TheresaMarieP: A Hypochondriac’s Guide to the REAL Diseases You Need to Worry about and Their Symptoms

And the rest of the TOP 25, in no particular order:

@alexandradonald: He’s Just Way Too into You: Learning to Love Your Stalker

@spencerseidel: 50 Ways to Avoid Your Intervention

@Billjonesjr: Mensa for Dummies

@larazielin: Who Moved My Cheek? Your Guide to Plastic Surgery Transformation

@cathy_bryan: How to Text and Drive Faster: The Last Self Help Book You’ll Ever Need

@NovelistCindy: Crushing Dreams and Cashing In: How to Become a Literary Agent

@Juniperjenny: Make Yourself Ironic!: From Redneck to Hipster in Five Easy Steps

@WritingAgain: The Fine Art of Overreacting: How to Make Your Coworkers Fear and Shun You

@KatieAlender: The Arrr of War: The Pirate’s Guide to Victory in Battle, Business, and Life

@BleedingSweat: Redneck Acupuncture: A Self-Help Guide to Ya’llternative Medicine

@Figmentfiction: No, No. YOU’RE Right. You’re ALWAYS Right: How to Be More Passive Aggressive

@RandyTayler: The OTHER Secret: So Secret Not Even the First Secret Knows about It

@Dogfaceboy: Eats, Shoots, and Leaves: A Dating Guide for the Man Who Fears Commitment

@DeadlyAccurate: Breaking His Spirit: The Nagging Wife’s Guide To The Perfect Husband

@hkranch: Narcissism Means Never Having to Say You’re Sorry

@Querypolitan: Marriage with a Muggle: What To Do When She Discovers Your Magic Wand, and Other Helpful Tips

@prettyandi: Why SELF-Help?: How to Get Someone Else to Do it For You

@carpediem1991: Eat, Pray, Love, Eat, Pray, Love, Eat, Pray, Love: How to Overcome an OCD

@ZubZub: Hacking your Pacemaker: A Guide to Overclocking for Better Stamina

@MelissaEcker: Talking to Jews: Mel Gibson’s Guide to Interfaith Dialogue

@thxithink: The 12 Steps to Overcoming Your Fear of Stairs

@realsmivey: Do It You’re Self: A Guide To Self-Publishing

@loysboy: Rosetta Stone’s Speaking in Tongues

@TPRJones: Don’t Buy This Book!: How to Kick the Self-Help Habit

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