Courtesy of Diane R.
Note: All "real men" answer "C" to all of
these questions. In understanding this and carefully
reviewing the "C" answer, women will come far in
understanding men and enriching their own lives.
1. Alien beings from a highly advanced
society visit Earth, and you are the first human
they encounter. As a token of intergalactic
friendship, they present you with a small but
incredibly sophisticated device that is capable of
curing all disease, providing an infinite supply of
clean energy, wiping out hunger and poverty, and
permanently eliminating oppression and violence all
over the entire Earth. You decide to:
2. As you grow older, what lost quality of your youthful life do you miss the most?
- Present it to the President of the United States.
- Present it to the Secretary General of the United Nations.
- Take it apart.
3. When is it okay to kiss another male?
- Cherry bombs.
4. In your opinion, the ideal pet is:
- When you wish to display simple and pure affection without regard for narrow-minded social conventions.
- When he is the Pope (not on the lips).
- When he is your brother and you are Al Pacino and this is the only really sportsman-like way to let him know that, for business reasons, you have to have him killed.
5. You have been seeing a woman for several years. She's attractive and intelligent, and you always enjoy being with her. One leisurely Sunday afternoon the two of you are taking it easy. You're watching a football game; she's reading the newspaper when she suddenly, out of the clear blue sky, tells you that she thinks she really loves you,
but, she can no longer bear the uncertainty of not knowing where your relationship is going. She says she's not asking whether you want to get married; only whether you believe that you have some kind of
future together. What do you say?
- A cat.
- A dog.
- A dog that eats cats.
6. Okay, so you have decided that you truly love a woman and you want to spend the rest of your life with her, sharing the joys and the sorrows the world has to offer, come what may. How do you tell her?
- That you sincerely believe the two of you do have a future, but you don't want to rush it.
- That although you also have strong feelings for her, you can not honestly say that you'll be ready anytime soon to make a lasting
commitment, and you don't want to hurt her by holding out false hope.
- That you cannot believe the Broncos called a draw play on third and seventeen.
7. One weekday morning your wife wakes up feeling ill and asks you to get your three children ready for school. Your first question to her is:
- You take her to a nice restaurant and tell her after dinner.
- You take her for a walk on a moonlit beach, and you say her name, and when she turns to you, with the sea breeze blowing through her hair and the stars in her eyes, you tell her.
- Tell her what?
8. When is it okay to throw away a set of veteran underwear?
- "Do they need to eat or anything?"
- "They're enrolled in school already?"
- "There are three of them, right?"
9. What, in your opinion, is the most reasonable explanation for the fact that Moses led the Israelites all over the place for forty years
before they finally got to the Promised Land?
- When it has turned the color of a dead whale and developed new holes so large that you're not sure which ones were originally intended for your legs.
- When it is down to eight loosely connected underwear molecules and has to be handled with tweezers.
- It is never okay to throw away veteran underwear. A real guy checks the garbage regularly in case somebody (and we are not naming names, but this would be the wife) is quietly trying to discard
his underwear (which she is frankly jealous of because the guy seems to have a more intimate relationship with it than with her).
10. What is the human race's single greatest achievement?
- He was being tested.
- He wanted them to really appreciate the Promised Land when they finally got there.
- He refused to ask for directions.
- Remote control.