10 Rules of Wedlock

Courtesy of Prentiss F.

"The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, and the second half by our children." Clarence Darrow (1857 - 1938)

"The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time."

RULE 1

  • Marriages are made in heaven.
  • But so are thunder and lightning.

RULE 2

  • If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

RULE 3

  • Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least 100 grand!

RULE 4

  • Married life is very frustrating.
  • In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
  • In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
  • In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

RULE 5

  • When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife is.

RULE 6

  • Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

RULE 7

  • Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say.
  • After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.

RULE 8

  • Every man wants a wife, who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook.
  • But the law allows only one wife.

RULE 9

  • Marriage and love are purely matter of chemistry.
  • That is why wife treats husband like toxic waste.

RULE 10

  • A man is incomplete until he is married.
  • After that, he is finished....

BONUS RULE STORY

A long married couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The wife decided to make a wish too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for a moment but then smiled and said, "Hey!...This thing really works!"

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