Courtesy of Randy C.
A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says "Ah .. I see you regained consciousness. Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile-up on the freeway..You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, but ........ Something happened. I'm trying to break this gently, but the fact is, your willy was chopped off in the wreck and we were unable to find it".
The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You've got $9000 in insurance compensation for the new technology we now have to build you a new willy that will work as well as your old one did - better in fact! But the thing is that it isn't cheap. It is $1000 an inch. The man perks up at this. "So", the doctor says, "it's for you to decide how many inches you want. But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you had a five-inch one before and you go for the nine-inch, your wife might be a bit put off. But if you had a nine-inch before and you go for the five-inch, she might be disappointed. So it's an important decision that you and your wife should probably talk over.
The man agrees to talk to his wife. The doctor comes back the next day and says "So, have you spoken to your wife?"
"I have" says the man.
"And she has helped you in making the decision?"
"Yes she has", the man says.
"And what is it?" the doctor asked.
"We're getting new granite countertops."