Courtesy of Prentiss F.
A mother passing by her son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was
nicely made and everything was picked up. Then she saw an envelope propped up
prominently on the center of the bed. It was addressed, "MOM". With the worst
premonition, she opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing this. I had to elope
with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with you. I've been
finding real passion with Barbara and she is so nice even with all her
piercings, tattoos, and her tight motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the
passion Mom, she's pregnant and Barbara said that we will be very happy
together. Even though I know you won't care for her because she is much older
than me, she already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood
for the whole winter. She wants to have many more children with me and that's
now one of my dreams too. Barbara taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt
anyone and we'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with her friends
for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that
science will find a cure for aids so barbara can get better; She sure
deserves it!! Don't worry Mom; I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take
care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to
know your grandchildren.
P. S. Mom, none of this is true. I'm over at the neighbor's house. I just
wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card
that's in my desk center drawer. I love you! Call me when it's safe for me
to come home.