Pregnancy Advice for Men

Fatal Things to Say if Your Wife is Pregnant:

• "I finished the Oreos."
• "Not to imply anything, but I don't think the kid weighs forty pounds."
• "Y'know, looking at her, you'd never guess that Pamela Lee had a baby..!!"
• "I sure hope your thighs aren't gonna stay that flabby forever!"
• "Well, couldn't they induce labor? The 25th is the Super Bowl."
• "Darned if you ain't about five pounds away from a surprise visit from that Richard Simmons fella."
• "Whoa! For a minute there, I thought I woke up next to Willard Scott!"
• "Are your ankles supposed to look like that?"
• "Get your own ice cream."
• "Geez, you're awfully puffy looking today."
• "Got milk?"
• "Maybe we should name the baby after my secretary, Tawney."
• "That was a good contraction, honey."
• "You don't have the guts to pull the trigger..."