Stories/Jokes: Computer Humor

Internet Addicts Anonymous

Courtesy of David R.

Your name was given to us by a spouse or family member who is concerned about your Internet addiction.

At Internet Addicts Anonymous, we can help. Yes, you--we're talking to you. You, looking at this screen for hours on end, online. You, bleary eyed. You, an addict. Have you looked in the mirror lately? Been outside? Know what day of the week it is? Have you checked downstairs to see if your family still lives with you?

We're a non-profit society of recovering addicts like yourself that provides support and counseling through weekly (off-line) meetings designed to help you cope with your problem. We feature a twelve-step recovery program and in extreme cases, interventions. Although it is our firm belief that you are never "cured," you most certainly can recover. We have designed a brief checklist to determine if you are an addict.

Do you:

  1. Have twitches of the hand when you walk by your computer?
  2. Check e-mail more than five times a day?
  3. Spend more time chatting than eating or sleeping?
  4. Surf aimlessly with no direction, if only to be online?
  5. Leave your name and information at countless sites if only to hope you'll receive a reply one day from a company you'll never do business with anyway?
  6. Log on before important personal habits, such as meal preparation, hygiene or bodily functions?
  7. Have red, swollen eyes that hang halfway out of your head?
  8. Spend hours online on a holiday from work, where you'd usually be griping about your carpal tunnel syndrome?
  9. See smoke rising from your computer?
  10. All of the above?

If you answered yes to four or more questions (or chose #10), you have a problem.

Please call us at at: 1-800-LOGOFFNOWFORPETE'SSAKE Internet Addicts Anonymous. We're here, we're free, and we're confidential. The first step to recovery is admission that you have a problem. Call us today! That is, if you can power off to free up your phone line:)

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