Stories/Jokes: Computer Humor

Important Email Update

After receiving reports from a number of you, that your emails to me were being returned undelivered, I today spoke with my email provider about the situation...

I thought I should share with you the results of that conversation -- it may explain to you why some of your emails have not been reaching me and (who knows?), perhaps some of you may now also want to switch over to MY ISP for your own email services as well....

First of all, let me thank you if you let me know about the problem and, whether you have let me know or not, please DO try again - they're still working on getting the kinks out of the new system.

I thought it would be useful for you to know that my ISP has just installed a brand new, leading edge, 'feature-rich' email system which, among other things, provides user clients with the latest in third-generation email filtering. This new high-tech filtering takes a large number of factors into account, not the least of which is the user-client's (geo-political) location...

By way of example... Perhaps it would be helpful for you to know that, as a resident here on the left coast, in beautiful Santa Cruz County, I will no longer be able to receive any of your emails which:

  1. Contain the words 'Republican' or 'Conservative' ...unless immediately preceded by one (or more) of the words 'damn', 'rich' or 'uncaring';
  2. Contain the term 'tax cut' or 'tax cuts' ...unless preceded by the word 'directed', or followed by the the term 'for the rich';
  3. Contain the word 'Right'... unless immediately followed by the term '-wing wacko;
  4. Contain the name 'Reagan' ...either preceded or followed within a five-word proximity to the words 'best' or 'great';
  5. Contain the terms 'choice, 'rights', or 'constitutional rights', in conjunction with any of the terms 'gun', 'firearm' or 'second amendment', or 'private property', 'property owner', 'property rights', 'building permit', 'fifth amendment', or the like. (Note however, that the term 'rights' may be used without restriction in connection with the terms 'animal', 'tree', 'red-legged frog', 'salamander', 'thistle', 'pond-slime', 'shark', 'mountain lion', 'wolf', or similar.);
  6. Contain the prefix Eco-' ...if followed by any of the words 'freak', 'terrorist' or the like. (...and of course, the term 'tree-hugger' will NOT be allowed under ANY circumstances);
  7. Contain the words 'pot' or 'marijuana' within a ten-word proximity to the word 'illegal' or 'criminal';
  8. Contain the any of the terms 'well-qualified', 'diversity' or 'Senate Obstruction' in conjunction with 'Judge Pickering', 'Judge Owens' or 'Judge Estrada';
  9. Are in any way denigrating, or which speak harshly about, anyone named 'Biden', 'Boxer', 'Clinton', 'Daschle', 'Davis', 'Farr', 'Gore', 'Hollings', 'Leahy', 'Obama', 'Reiner', 'Schumer', or 'Kennedy', or which contain the name 'Byrd', within a ten-word proximity to the word 'pork';
  10. Contain any of the terms 'leftist', 'limo-lib', 'control freak', 'tax-and-spend' or 'obstructionist' placed within a ten-word proximity of the word 'democrat'; This list is, of course, by no means all-inclusive...
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