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Signs of a Bad Divorce
Signs Your Divorce Isn't Going Well:
Since his recent divorce, your lawyer has been using his car for an office.
Your spouse's lawyer has suddenly taken to lighting his cigarettes with twenties.
The judge is seriously considering your spouse's request for custody of your immortal soul.
Your spouse's attorney is seeking the death penalty.
Your husband has been granted temporary custody of one of your implants.
Your mother's name appears on your wife's witness list.
Given the choice, your penis opts to live with her.
Your portion of the settlement so far: The Commodore 64, the Chia pets and the Wham! CD collection.
Jerry Springer cancelled your appearance, citing "Safety Concerns."
You discover that Judge Jacques' last name is actually *not* pronounced "Jack-ass."
In her search for hidden assets, your wife hires a proctologist.
Your half of the dog arrives postage due.
Johnnie Cochran's closing argument: "If dad goes gay, he's got to pay!"
During the pre-trial conference, the judge brings your wife to orgasm with his toe under the conference table.
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