Man Test II
Courtesy of Prentiss F.
1. In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:
- A pickle tickle.
2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've both shared:
- Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship.
- Your blood-test results.
- Five tequila slammers.
3. You time your orgasm so that:
- Your partner climaxes first.
- You both climax simultaneously.
- You don't miss ESPN Sports Center.
4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:
- Healthy, creative love-play.
- Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would agree to.
- Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend needs to ever find out about.
5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex with is:
- The best part of the experience.
- The second best part of the experience.
- $100 extra.
6. Your wife/girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in the last month. You tell her ! that it is:
- Of no influence on your affectionate feelings for her.
- Not a problem, she can join your gym.
- A conservative estimate.
7. You think today's sensitive, caring man is:
- A myth.
- An oxymoron.
- A moron.
8. Foreplay is to sex as:
- An appetizer is to entree.
- Primer is to paint.
- A long line is to an amusement park ride.
9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship?
- "I hope we can still be friends."
- "I'm not in right now, please leave a message at the beep."
- "Welcome to Dumpsville. Population, YOU."
10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:
- Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy.
- Is uptight and a waste of time.
- Shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place.
If you answered "A" more than 7 times, check your pants to make sure you really ARE a man.
If you answered "B" more than 7 times, check into therapy. You're a little confused.
If you answered "C" more than 7 times, "YOU DA MAN!!!!"