Courtesy of David R.
This simple five question test will help determine how drunk you really
are. Begin by answering each of the five questions below truthfully. Then
determine your score based on question answer values provided. Lastly, compare
your score to the results for a final answer.
1. Think about your wife. In your mind, is she: (a) the most beautiful woman
alive; (b) a beautiful woman; (c) attractive; (d) ugly as sin.
2. Think about your job. In your mind, is it: (a) the best job on the planet;
(b) a good job; (c) a decent job; (d) the most annoying job ever.
3. Try walking. What happened? Did you: (a) find it impossible to stand up; (b)
fall after standing up; (c) walk fifty feet before falling flat on your face;
(d) walk one thousand feet without falling.
4. How did you get to the bar? I got here in: (a) my brand new chauffer-driven
limo; (b) a brand new car; (c) a used car; (d) a rented, rusted, and damaged
1950 japanese import.
5. What do you think of your strength? I am: (a) invincible; (b) stronger than
anyone in the bar; (c) as strong as the average man; (d) a weak and pathetic
Question answer values:
- For every question answered with an A, add ten points.
- For every question answered with a B, add five points.
- For every question answered with a C, do not change the score.
- For every question answered with a D, subtract five points.
- For every question answered with an E, add one hundred points.
For scores ranging from fifty to 135, congratulations. You're over and above the
normal drunk. Generally, at least they are able to select a valid option. An e
option does not even exist on this test. You should probably check yourself into
a hospital for alcohol poisoning.
For scores ranging from thirty-five to fifty, you had ten too many beers. If you
plan on driving home, make out a will first--that is, if you can even remember
your own name. Lastly, don't even think about standing up.
For scores ranging from fifteen to thirty-five, you have had one too many beers.
Don't drive unless you want a higher insurance rate. Standing up will probably
result in injury.
For scores ranging from zero to fifteen, you may want to stop drinking now. You
have probably had enough beers but don't drive unless you want a ticket. If you
choose to ignore the tip to stop drinking, it is not a problem; you probably
still have the ability to stand up.
For scores ranging from negative twenty-five to zero, you must just be getting
started! I bet you don't even have one beer in you. In terms of driving, you are
probably just getting out of the car and are walking to the bar this very