Three Senior Moments
An old lady was standing at the rail of the cruise ship holding her hat so that it wouldn't blow away in the wind. A gentleman approached her and said, "Pardon me, madam .... I do not intend to be forward but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this wind?"
"Yes, I know," said the lady. "But I need my hands to hold onto my hat."
"But madam, he said, "you must know that you're derriere is exposed!??"
The woman looked down, then back up at the man and said, "Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old, but I just bought this hat yesterday!"
ALL GRANDPAS, HEED THIS WARNING:
DO NOT LOSE YOUR GRANDKIDS IN THE MALL!
A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall. He approached a uniformed policeman and said, "I've lost my grandpa!"
The cop asked, "what's he like?"
The little boy hesitated for a moment and then replied, "Crown Royal whiskey and women with big boobs".
'WHERE is my Sunday paper?' the irate customer calling the newspaper office loudly demanded, wanting to know where her Sunday Edition was.
'Ma'am,' said the newspaper employee, 'today is Saturday .... The Sunday paper is not delivered until tomorrow, on Sunday.'
There was quite a long pause on the other end of the phone, followed by a ray of recognition .... As she was heard to mutter 'Well, crap ... So that's why no one was at church today.'