Signs of Growing Up

Courtesy of David R.

  • All of your favorite movies are now revised in color.
  • An "all-nighter" means not getting up to pee!
  • At cafeterias, you complain that the gelatin is too tough.
  • The car that you bought brand new becomes an antique.
  • The clothes you've put away until they come back in style...come back in style.
  • Conversations with people your own age often turn into "dueling ailments."
  • "Getting a little action" means you don't need to take any fiber today.
  • "Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.
  • Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
  • The gray-haired person you help across the street is your spouse.
  • It takes a couple of tries to get over a speed bump.
  • It takes too much effort to procrastinate.
  • The kids leave one by one, only to return two by two.
  • Lawn care has become a big highlight of your life.
  • Many of your co-workers were born the same year that you got your last promotion.
  • One of the throw pillows on your bed is a hot water bottle.
  • A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.
  • Someone compliments you on your layered look...and you're wearing a bikini.
  • The waiter asks how you'd like your steak...and you say "pureed."
  • When you are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.
  • When you do the "Hokey Pokey" you put your left hip out...and it stays out.
  • Work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.
  • You begin every other sentence with, "Nowadays..."
  • You can do just as much as ever; but would rather not.
  • You choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.
  • You come to the conclusion that your worst enemy is gravity.
  • You discover the words, "whippersnapper," and "by-cracky" creeping into your vocabulary.
  • You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
  • You find this list tasteless and insensitive.
  • You frequently find yourself telling people what a loaf of bread USED to cost.
  • You go to a garden party and you're mainly interested in the garden.
  • You have trouble remembering simple words like...
  • You keep repeating yourself.
  • You know it all, you just can't remember it all at once!
  • You keep repeating yourself.
  • You light the candles on your birthday cake, and a group of campers form a circle and start singing "Kumbaya."
  • You keep repeating yourself.
  • You look both ways before crossing a room.
  • You know all the answers but nobody asks you any questions.
  • You make it a point to attend all the RV shows that come to town.
  • You notice they're making adults much younger - when did they decide to let kids become policemen?
  • You realize that aging is not for wimps.
  • You realize that a stamp today costs more than a picture show did when you were growing up.
  • You refer to your $2500 stereo system as "the Hi-Fi."
  • You run out of breath walking DOWN a flight of stairs.
  • You smile all the time because you can't hear a thing others are saying.
  • You start beating everyone else at trivia games.
  • You start video-taping daytime game shows.
  • You still have a photographic memory but it no longer offers same day service.
  • You tune into the easy listening station...on purpose.
  • You wonder why you waited so long to take up macrame.
  • Your back goes out more than you do.
  • Your childhood toys are now in a museum.
  • Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.
  • Your insurance company has started sending you their free calendar...a month at a time.
  • Your lack of pep is often mistaken for patience.
  • Your new easy chair has more options than your car.
  • Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "pick one, I can't do both!"
  • You're a walking storeroom of facts...you've just lost the key to the storeroom door.
  • You're awake many hours before your body allows you to get up.
  • You're good at opening childproof caps - with a hammer.
  • You're not grouchy, you just don't like traffic, waiting, crowds, loud music, unruly kids, barking dogs, politicians and a few other things you can't remember.
  • You're on a TV game show and you decide to risk it all and go for the rocker.
  • You're sitting on a park bench, and a Boy Scout comes up and helps you cross your legs.
  • You're sure everything you can't find is in a secure place.
  • You're the life of the party...even if it lasts until 8 p.m.
  • You're usually interested in going home before you get where you're going.
  • You're very good at telling stories - over and over and over and over...
  • You're well cared for - long term care, eye care, private care, dental care, Medicare.
  • You're wrinkled, saggy, lumpy, and that's just your left leg.
  • You've met so many people that everyone you meet reminds you of someone else.
  • You've seen it all, done it all, heard it all...you just can't remember it all.
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