30 Lines to Make You Smile
Courtesy of Suzie S.
1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He
thought he was God and I didn't.
2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3.. I work hard because millions on welfare depend on me!
4.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill
5.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
6.. Don't take life too seriously; no one gets out alive.
7.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me
8.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
9.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
10.. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are missing.
11.. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
12.. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy,
13.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
14.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
15.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
16.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
17.. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!
18.. Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I
19.. Procrastinate Now!
20.. I have a degree in Liberal Arts; do you want fries with
21.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
22.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance
23.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
24..They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
25..He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.
26..A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three
thousand times the memory.
27..Ham and eggs. A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime
commitment for a pig.
28.. The trouble with life is there's no background music.
29.. The original point and click interface was a Smith and
30.. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going
Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying