Insights and Nonsense


  1. ON METAPHYSICS
    Deja Fu: The feeling that somehow, somewhere, you've been kicked in the head like this before.
  2. ON DEEP THOUGHTS
    A day without sunshine is like night.
  3. ON PARADOX AND RETURN POLICIES
    There is a CD out entitled "The Worst of Jefferson Airplane". If you buy this, take it home, play it, and enjoy it, should you take it back and demand a refund?
  4. ON HIGHER EDUCATION
    College is a fountain of knowledge... and the students are there to drink.
  5. ON MATHEMATICAL TRANSFORMS
    A polar bear is a rectangular bear after a coordinate transform.
  6. ON YOUTH
    Some people say that I must be a horrible person, but that's not true. I have the heart of a young boy -- in a jar on my desk.
    -- Stephen King, 3/8/90
  7. ON PROBLEM SOLVING
    When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to resemble a nail.
    -- Abraham Maslow
  8. ON MATERIALISM
    He who dies with the most toys, is, nonetheless, still dead.
  9. ON RELIGIOUS PRACTICES
    Photons have mass? I didn't know they were Catholic!
  10. ON INFINITY
    If you had everything, where would you keep it?
  11. ON ECONOMICS
    The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
  12. ON PUBLISHING OR PERISHING
    I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top.
    -- English Professor, Ohio University
  13. ON REVISIONIST HISTORY
    What was sliced bread the greatest thing since?
  14. ON DATING
    When aiming for the common denominator, be prepared for the occasional division by zero.
  15. ON POETIC LOVE
    When you're swimmin' in the creek
    And an eel bites your cheek
    That's a moray!
    -- Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers
  16. ON MODERNISM
    Q: How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    A: Two. One to hold the giraffe and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.
  17. ON MATERIAL SCIENCE
    Character density: The number of very weird people in the office.
  18. ON EXTINCTION
    Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
  19. ON LITERATURE
    This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
    -- Dorothy Parker
  20. ON HUMILITY
    To err is human, to moo bovine.
  21. ON EXPLANATION OF THE END ...
    One of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
    -- Robert Firth
  22. ON PROPHECY
    The meek shall inherit the earth -- they are too weak to refuse.
  23. ON EXCUSES
    I can't complain, but sometimes I still do.
    -- Joe Walsh
  24. ON NUMBERS
    Grabel's Law: 2 is not equal to 3 -- not even for very large values of 2.
  25. ON WORLD POLITICS
    Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" until you can find a rock.
  26. AND FINALLY, ON DRUGS AND DEVELOPMENT
    There are two major products to come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We don't believe this to be a coincidence.
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