Career Navy

Signs you've been in the navy too long:

• You refer to the family car as the "liberty boat".
• You refer to the drive-through at McDonald's as an "UNREP" [Underway Replenishment].
• Your wife says she has PMS [Planned Maintenance System] and you ask her if she verified her MRC [Maintenance Repair Code].
• You do not let your kids leave the ship (home) without a collared shirt.
• You take hourly readings on your refrigerator and oven.
• You refer to your wife as the "Berthing P. O."
• Your son falls off the front porch and you call away "man overboard".
• You consider closing up the house for the night as "setting condition Zebra".
• You call your back porch the "Fantail".
• When you change the oil in your car you hang a "Danger Tag" on the ignition.
• When you're finished changing the oil in your car, you sign the "13 week file".
• You call the operator for a phone check.
• When your smoke detector goes off, you don an OBA [Oxygen Breathing Apparatus].
• Your children get in trouble and you give them "NJP" [Non-Judicial Punishment].
• You refer to the upstairs of your house as the "01 Level".
• Your car's fifth gear is also known as "Ahead Flank".
• Your clogged sink has a "trouble call number" assigned to it.
• Your wife "tapes off" the kitchen to mop the floor.
• You issue your children "liberty cards".
• When you walk out the front door, you feel obligated to put on a hat.
• When the mailman arrives, you muster the Bravo working party on the front steps.
• You're proud of your son for raising his biology grade from a "Delta to a Bravo".
• The baby sitter has to get her "qual card" signed off before she watches the kids.
• You have a compulsion to sleep on the top shelf of your closet.
• You walk around with your stereo headphones on and mumble all secure.