Stories/Jokes: Regional Humor

You Know You're Italian When....

  • You're 5'4", can bench press 325 pounds, shave twice a day, but you still cry when your mother yells at you.
  • Your father owns 5 houses, has $300,000 in the bank, but still drives a '76 Monte Carlo.
  • You share a bathroom with your 5 brothers, have no money, but drive a $45,000 Camaro or Mustang.
  • Your mechanic, plumber, electrician, accountant and travel agent are all blood relatives.
  • You consider dunking a cannoli in an espresso a nutritious breakfast.
  • Your 2 best friends are your cousin and your brother-in-law's brother-in-law.
  • You are a card-carrying V.I.P at more than 3 strip clubs.
  • Despite the hair on your back, you still try to impress the ladies by wearing your "Just do me" tank top to the beach.
  • At least 5 of your cousins live on your street.
  • All 5 of those cousins are named after your grandfather.
  • A high school diploma and 1 year of Nassau Community College has earned you the title of "professore" among your aunts.
  • You are on a first name basis with at least 8 banquet hall owners.
  • If someone in your family grows beyond 5'6", it is presumed his mother had an affair.
  • There were more than 28 people in your bridal party.
  • You netted more than $50,000 on your first communion.
  • At some point in your life, you were a D.J.
  • 30 years after immigrating, your parents still say "Pronto" when answering the phone.
  • You have ever been in a fight defending Sly Stallone's thespian greatness.
  • Somewhere on your parents' property, there is a bathtub Madonna.
  • You build your house with 3 materials.... brick, brick and wrought iron.
  • You have at least one sister that went to Beauty School.
  • Clothes from the Chess King will actually fit you.
  • It is impossible for you to talk with your hands in your pockets.
  • Have been to a funeral where talk of the deceased is, "He shoulda kept his big yap shut."
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