Texas Heat


It's So Hot In Texas That...

  • The birds have to use pot holders to pull worms out of the ground.
  • The potatoes cook underground, and all you have to do to have lunch is to pull one out, add butter, and salt and pepper.
  • Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard boiled eggs.

It's So Dry in Texas That...

  • The cows are giving evaporated milk.
  • The trees are whistling for the dogs.
  • A sad Texan once prayed, "I wish it would rain - not so much for me, cuz I've seen it - but for my 7 year-old.
  • A visitor to Texas once asked, "Does it ever rain out here?" A rancher quickly answered "Yes, it does. Do you remember that part in the Bible where it rained for 40 days and 40 nights?" The visitor replied, "Yes, I'm familiar with Noah's flood." "Well," the rancher puffed up, "We got about two and a half inches."

You Know You're In Texas When...

  • You no longer associate bridges with water.
  • You can say 110 degrees without fainting.
  • You eat hot chilies to cool your mouth off.
  • You can make instant sun tea.
  • You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.
  • The temperature drops below 95 and you feel a bit chilly.
  • You discover that in July it takes only 2 fingers to drive your car.
  • You discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window.
  • You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
  • Hot water now comes out of both taps.
  • Its noon in July, the kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is out on the streets.
  • You actually burn your hand opening the car door.
  • You break a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m.
  • No one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car or not having air conditioning.
  • Your biggest bicycle fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cooking to death?"
  • You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
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