Stories/Jokes: Battle of the Sexes

Man Test II

Courtesy of Prentiss F.

1. In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:

  1. Lovemaking.
  2. Screwing.
  3. A pickle tickle.

2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've both shared:

  1. Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship.
  2. Your blood-test results.
  3. Five tequila slammers.

3. You time your orgasm so that:

  1. Your partner climaxes first.
  2. You both climax simultaneously.
  3. You don't miss ESPN Sports Center.

4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:

  1. Healthy, creative love-play.
  2. Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would agree to.
  3. Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend needs to ever find out about.

5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex with is:

  1. The best part of the experience.
  2. The second best part of the experience.
  3. $100 extra.

6. Your wife/girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in the last month. You tell her ! that it is:

  1. Of no influence on your affectionate feelings for her.
  2. Not a problem, she can join your gym.
  3. A conservative estimate.

7. You think today's sensitive, caring man is:

  1. A myth.
  2. An oxymoron.
  3. A moron.

8. Foreplay is to sex as:

  1. An appetizer is to entree.
  2. Primer is to paint.
  3. A long line is to an amusement park ride.

9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship?

  1. "I hope we can still be friends."
  2. "I'm not in right now, please leave a message at the beep."
  3. "Welcome to Dumpsville. Population, YOU."

10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:

  1. Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy.
  2. Is uptight and a waste of time.
  3. Shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place.

If you answered "A" more than 7 times, check your pants to make sure you really ARE a man.

If you answered "B" more than 7 times, check into therapy. You're a little confused.

If you answered "C" more than 7 times, "YOU DA MAN!!!!"

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