Stories/Jokes: Pets & Other Critters

Diary of a Cat

Courtesy of David R.


My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture.

Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try this on their bed. Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan. Finally aware of how sadistic they are.

Today I was chosen for water torture...It included a foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds! My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth. There was some sort of gathering and I was placed in solitary throughout the event. I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of what they call "beer.." More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must investigate to use it to my advantage.

I am convinced the other captives are flunkies -- and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and happily returns. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand is an informant, and speaks with them regularly obviously reporting my every move. His current placement in the metal room assures his safety -- but it's only a matter of time...

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