Dear Human

10 dog peeves about humans:

1. Blaming your farts on me... notvery funny at all.
2. Yelling at me for barking.......I'M A DOG YOU IDIOT!!!
3. Taking me for a walk and not letting me check stuff out... whose walk is this anyway?
4. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose... STOP IT!!!
5. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons... Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you're not home.
6. The sleight of hand "fake fetch throw"... you fooled a dog... what a proud moment in your life this must be for you!!!
7. Taking me to the vet for the "Big Snip" and acting surprised when I freak out the NEXT time we go to the vet!!! HELLO!?!?!?
8. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests...  Gee, I haven't quite mastered the handshake yet!
9. How you act disgusted when I lick myself... Look, we both know the truth... you're jealous!
10. Dog sweaters... Duuhhh, have you noticed the stuff on me called... FUR?