Letter from the Tooth Fairy

Dear _________________:

Thank you for leaving [_] tooth/teeth under your pillow last night.

While we make every attempt to leave a monetary reward in the case of lost or stolen children's teeth, we were unable to process your request for the following reason(s) indicated below:

(_) the tooth could not be found
(_) it was not a human tooth
(_) we do not think that pieces of chicken bone are very funny
(_) we were unable to approach the tooth due to excessive odor
(_) the tooth has previously been redeemed for cash
(_) the tooth did not originally belong to you
(_) the tooth fairy does not process fingernails
(_) your request has been forwarded to the Nerve Ending Fairy for appropriate action
(_) you were overheard to state that you do not believe in the tooth fairy
(_) you are age 12 or older at the time your request was received
(_) the tooth is still in your mouth
(_) the tooth was guarded by a vicious fairy-eating dog at the time of our visit
(_) no nightlight was on at the time of our visit
(_) the snacks provided for the tooth fairy were not satisfactory, or were missing
(_) we discovered evidence of unsafe tooth extraction as follows:
      [_] string
      [_] pliers
      [_] gunpowder
      [_] hammer marks
      [_] chisel
      [_] part of skull attached to tooth
      [_] no dental care
(_) other:

Instead of the usual cash redemption, we have provided the following certificate which you may attempt to exchange at a retail store near you. Thank you for your request, and we look forward to serving you in the future.

Sincerely,

The Tooth Fairy