Stories/Jokes: Married w/Children

Pregnancy Advice for Men

Fatal Things to Say if Your Wife is Pregnant:

  • "I finished the Oreos."
  • "Not to imply anything, but I don't think the kid weighs forty pounds."
  • "Y'know, looking at her, you'd never guess that Pamela Lee had a baby..!!"
  • "I sure hope your thighs aren't gonna stay that flabby forever!"
  • "Well, couldn't they induce labor? The 25th is the Super Bowl."
  • "Darned if you ain't about five pounds away from a surprise visit from that Richard Simmons fella."
  • "Whoa! For a minute there, I thought I woke up next to Willard Scott!"
  • "Are your ankles supposed to look like that?"
  • "Get your own ice cream."
  • "Geez, you're awfully puffy looking today."
  • "Got milk?"
  • "Maybe we should name the baby after my secretary, Tawney."
  • "That was a good contraction, honey."
  • "You don't have the guts to pull the trigger..."
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