Stories/Jokes: Miscellaneous

As I Mature

Courtesy of Michael B.

  • I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
  • I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.
  • I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.
  • I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. Alter that, you'd better have a big willy or huge boobs.
  • I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more screwed up than you think.
  • I've learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think that you're finished.
  • I've learned we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities or politicians.
  • I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place!
  • I've learned that 99% of the time when something isn't working in your house, one of your kids did it.
  • I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.
  • Pass this along to five of your me, they'll appreciate it. Who knows, maybe something good will happen.
  • If not...tough shit
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