Dirty Pool Problems

Signs your swimming pool needs cleaning:

• That green tarp covering your pool? You DON'T have a tarp on your pool.
• Neighborhood kids ask if they can jump on your trampoline.
• That guy from Sunset Boulevard is REALLY beginning to smell gamey.
• pH is so high, in vitro fertilization is possible.
• Kids still pee in your pool, but they refuse to get in it first.
• Skipping rocks across it causes sparks.
• New algae species attract a Discovery Channel film crew to your backyard.
• Jello-like water slowing the pace of water polo games to unacceptable levels.
• Luke Skywalker and Yoda appear in search of the sunken X-Wing.
• The Grim Reaper shows up in his Speedo.
• "DREDGE ME" spelled out in algae on the bottom.
• You can walk on the water, even though you're only the son of Gus.
• Dr. Kervorkian seen filling IV bottles at pool side.
• Your recently installed pool filter resembles the Marlboro Man's chest x-ray.
• You haven't seen that much scum since Mickey Rourke's last movie.
• The amount of body hair found in the drain gives even Robin Williams a run for his money.