Stories/Jokes: Computer Humor

High Tech Computer Sales Jargon

  • NEW - Different color from previous design
  • ALL NEW - Parts not interchangable with previous design
  • EXCLUSIVE - Imported product
  • UNMATCHED - Almost as good as the competition
  • DESIGNED SIMPLICITY - Manufacturer's cost cut to the bone
  • FOOLPROOF OPERATION - No provision for adjustments
  • ADVANCED DESIGN - The advertising agency doesn't understand it
  • IT'S HERE AT LAST! - Rush job; Nobody knew it was coming
  • FIELD-TESTED - Manufacturer lacks test equipment
  • HIGH ACCURACY - Unit on which all parts fit
  • DIRECT SALES ONLY - Factory had big argument with distributor
  • YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT - We finally got one that works
  • REVOLUTIONARY - It's different from our competitiors
  • BREAKTHROUGH - We finally figured out a way to sell it
  • FUTURISTIC - No other reason why it looks the way it does
  • DISTINCTIVE - A different shape and color than the others
  • MAINTENANCE-FREE - Impossible to fix
  • RE-DESIGNED - Previous faults corrected, we hope...
  • HAND-CRAFTED - Assembly machines operated without gloves on
  • PERFORMANCE PROVEN - Will operate through the warranty period
  • MEETS ALL STANDARDS - Ours, not yours
  • ALL SOLID-STATE - Heavy as Hell!
  • BROADCAST QUALITY - Gives a picture and produces noise
  • HIGH RELIABILITY - We made it work long enough to ship it
  • SMPTE BUS COMPATABILE - When completed, will be shipped by Greyhound
  • NEW GENERATION - Old design failed, maybe this one will work
  • MIL-SPEC COMPONENTS - We got a good deal at a government auction
  • CUSTOMER SERVICE ACROSS THE COUNTRY - You can return it from most airports
  • UNPRECEDENTED PERFORMANCE - Nothing we ever had before worked THIS way
  • BUILT TO PRECISION TOLERANCES - We finally got it to fit together
  • SATISFACTION GUARANTEED - Manufacturer's, upon cashing your check
  • MICROPROCESSOR CONTROLLED - Does things we can't explain
  • LATEST AER0SPACE TECHNOLOGY - One of our techs was laid off by Boeing
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