Stories/Jokes: Computer Humor

Star Fleet Programmimg Guidlines

Courtesy of David R.

(1) If your robot is programmed to destroy all imperfection, make sure it excludes itself (the "Nomad" rule).

(2) Never allow calculation of the exact value of pi.

(3) Be sure your machines are programmed to ignore Three Stooges routines (This is known as Harry Mudd's Law).

(4) Self-destruct routines are never carried through, so there is no need to program them as anything more than a cosmetic shell. But be sure the countdown always runs past 1, to the last millisecond before the ship blows up, for dramatic values.

(5) Include standard protections against viruses, trojans, worms, and the ghosts of 19th-Century serial killers.

(6) Women programmers are not allowed, as they *always* program the computer to giggle and call the captain, "Honey." We have enough virility problems because they make us wear tights and those silly boots and velour shirts. We don't need this, too.

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