Stories/Jokes: Regional Humor

Funny Translations

Courtesy of Salam A.

Wacky English translations found on a travel website:

  • In a Paris dress shop: Dresses for street walking.
  • In a Hong Kong dress shop: Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.
  • From the Soviet weekly: There will be a Moscow Exhibition of the Arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.
  • In an East African newspaper: A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers.
  • In a Vienna hotel: In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the porter.
  • In Germany's Black Forest: It is strickly forbidden on our Black Forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men & women, live together in one tent unless they are married for that purpose.
  • An ad by a Hong Kong dentist: Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.
  • A Russian chess book: A lot of water has been passed under the bridge since this variation has been played.
  • In a Rome laundry: Ladies, leave your clothes here & spend the afternoon having a good time.
  • In a Czech tourist agency: Take one of our horse driven tours---we guarantee no miscarriages.
  • Ad for donkey rides in Thailand: Would you like to ride your own ass?
  • On a faucet in a Finnish restroom: To stop the drip, turn cock to right.
  • In the window of a Swedish furrier: Fur coats made for the ladies from their own skin.
  • On a box of a clockwork toy in Hong Kong: Guaranteed to work throughout its useful life.
  • Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan: Stop---Drive sideways.
  • Swiss mountain inn: Special today--no ice cream.
  • Bangkok temple: It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed like a man.
  • Tokyo bar: Special cocktail for the ladies with nuts.
  • Copenhagen airline ticket office: We take your bags and send them in all directions.
  • Moscow hotel room: If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.
  • Norwegian cocktail lounge: Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
  • Budapest zoo: Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
  • Office of a Roman doctor: Specialist in women and other diseases.
  • Acapulco hotel: The manager has personally passed all the water served here.
  • Tokyo shop: Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find that they are best in the long run.
  • Japanese instructions on an air conditioner: Cooles & Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.
  • Car rental brochure in Tokyo: When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.
  • Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance: English well talking; Here speeching American.
  • A sign on the lion cage at a zoo in the Czech Republic: No smoothen the lion
  • A Finnish hotel's instructions in case of fire: If you are unable to leave your room, expose yourself in the window.
  • A notice in a Japanese hotel (ca. 1950): Please not to steal towels. If you are not person to do such, please not to read notice.
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