Dear Consumas:

It has come ta our attention dat a coupola copies of da WINDOWS/BROOKLYN EDITION may have accidentally bin shipped outsida Brooklyn. If ya got one a dese, you may need some help understandin' da commands.

Da Brooklyn Edition may be recognized by da unique openin' screen. It reads:

"WINDAS BE," wit a background picture of Grand Army Plaza. When you start da program, instead of da usual "harpy, stringy" music, you hear da teem from da Godfadda. It is also shipped wit a Sopranos screen sava.

Please also note:

• Recycle Bin is labeled "Staten Island."
• My Computer is called "My Friggin' Computa."
• The Inbox is referred to as "Da Trunk."
• Deleted Items are referred to as "Wacked," "Erased," or "Rubbed Out."
• Networking is called "Da Bar."
• Control Panel is known as the "Da Bosses."
• Performin' an "illegal operation" is known as "enhancin' da family business" and will actually maximize da program instead of shuttin' it down.
• Hard Drive is referred to as "Da BQE Rush Hour."
• Instead of an error message a "You ain't gonna friggin' believe dis!" pops up.

CHANGES IN TERMINOLOGY IN DA BROOKLYN EDITION:

• OK..............Sure ting
• Cancel..........Fugetaboudit
• Reset...........Start Ova
• Yes.............Yeah
• No..............Nah
• Find............Put a contract out on
• Browse..........Get a looksee
• Back............U toin
• Help............Help ain't available - youse don't need no stinkin'help
• Stop............Knock it off
• Start...........Move it!
• Settings........Here's d' Rules

Also note dat any voice recognition software run on da BROOKLYN EDITION platform don't recognize da letter "R."

Some programs and uddah accessories dat are exclusive to WINDAS BE:

• Typa............A word processin' program
• Printa..........Printer
• Calculata.......Calculator
• Solitaire........Seven Card Stud

We regret any inconvenience it may have caused if you received a copy of da BROOKLYN EDITION. You may return it to Microsoft for a replacement version.

Youse got a problem wit dat?

BILL ("4 eyes") GATES