Stories/Jokes: Off-Color Humor

Chinese Torture

Courtesy of Gregory G.

A young man is wandering, lost, in a forest when he comes upon a small house. Knocking on the door he is greeted by an ancient Chinese gentleman with a long gray beard. "I am lost," said the man, "can you put me up for the night?"

"Certainly," the Chinese man said. "But on one condition, if you so much a slay a single finger on my daughter, I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man."

"Okay," said the man, and he entered the house.

Over dinner, the daughter came down the stairs, she was young beautiful, and had a fantastic body. She was obviously attracted to the young man, and keep letting him know it with her eyes. Remembering the old man's warning he ignored her and went up to bed alone.

During the night he could bear it no longer and snuck into her room for a night of passion. He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn't hear and near dawn, he crept back to his own room, exhausted but content.

He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes, he saw a large rock on his chest, stuck to the rock was a note: "Chinese Torture #1....Large rock on chest.

Well that's pretty lame, he thought. If it's the best the old man can do, then I don't have much to worry about. He picked up the boulder, walked to the nearby window and heaved the boulder out.

As he did, he noticed another note on the back of the rock. It said, "Chinese Torture #2....rock tied to man's left testicle."

Panicking he glanced down just in time to see the rope attached to his testicle, and it was starting to go taut. Consideration that a few broken bones were better than castration, he grabbed the rope, and jumped out of the window after the rock.

As he plummeted toward the ground he saw a large sign on the ground below, it read, "Chinese Torture#3....Man's right testicle tied to the bed post."

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