1. ALABAMA - HELL, YE-AH! WE HAVE ELECTRICITY.

2. ALASKA - 11,623 ESKIMOS CAN'T BE WRONG.

3. ARIZONA - BUT IT'S A DRY HEAT.

4. ARKANSAS - LITERACY AIN'T EVERYTHING.

5. CALIFORNIA - BY AGE 30 OUR WOMEN HAVE MORE PLASTIC THAN YOUR HONDA ~ AND THAT'S THE TRUTH!

6. COLORADO - IF YOU DON'T SKI, DON'T BOTHER.

7. CONNECTICUT - LIKE MASSACHUSETTS, ONLY THE KENNEDY'S DON'T OWN IT YET.

8. DELAWARE - WE REALLY DO LIKE THE CHEMICALS IN OUR WATER.

9. FLORIDA - HOME OF THE HEADLESS DRIVERS.

10. GEORGIA - WE PUT THE "FUN" IN FUNDAMENTALIST EXTREMISM.

11. HAWAII - HAKA TIKI MOU SHA'AMI LEEKI TORU (DEATH TO MAINLAND SCUM, LEAVE YOUR MONEY).

12. IDAHO - MORE THAN JUST POTATOES....WELL OKAY, WE'RE NOT, BUT THE POTATOES SURE ARE REAL GOOD.

13. ILLINOIS - PLEASE DON'T PRONOUNCE THE "S".

14. INDIANA - 2 BILLION YEARS TIDAL WAVE FREE.

15. IOWA - WE DO AMAZING THINGS WITH CORN.

16. KANSAS - FIRST OF THE RECTANGLE STATES.

17. KENTUCKY - FIVE MILLION PEOPLE; FIFTEEN LAST NAMES.

18. LOUISIANA - WE'RE NOT ALL DRUNK CAJUN WACKOS, BUT THAT'S OUR TOURISM CAMPAIGN.

19. MAINE - WE'RE REALLY COLD, BUT WE HAVE CHEAP LOBSTER.

20. MARYLAND - IF YOU CAN DREAM IT, WE CAN TAX IT.

21. MASSACHUSETTS - OUR TAXES ARE LOWER THAN SWEDEN'S (FOR MOST TAX BRACKETS).

22. MICHIGAN - FIRST LINE OF DEFENSE FROM THE CANADIANS.

23. MINNESOTA - 10,000 LAKES.... AND 10,000,000,000,000 MOSQUITOES.

24. MISSISSIPPI - COME AND FEEL BETTER ABOUT YOUR OWN STATE.

25. MISSOURI - YOUR FEDERAL FLOOD RELIEF TAX DOLLARS HARD AT WORK.

26. MONTANA - LAND OF THE BIG SKY, THE UNABOMBER, RIGHT-WING CRAZIES, AND VERY LITTLE ELSE.

27. NEBRASKA - ASK ABOUT OUR STATE MOTTO CONTEST.

28. NEVADA - HOOKERS AND POKER.

29. NEW HAMPSHIRE - GO AWAY AND LEAVE US ALONE.

30. NEW JERSEY - YOU WANT A @%&#%&$ MOTTO? I GOT YER %$&##@& MOTTO RIGHT HERE.

31. NEW MEXICO - LIZARDS and TARANTULAS MAKE EXCELLENT PETS.

32. NEW YORK - YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT, YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO AN ATTORNEY.

33. NORTH CAROLINA - TOBACCO IS A VEGETABLE.

34. NORTH DAKOTA - WE REALLY ARE ONE OF THE 50 STATES.

35. OHIO - HOME OF LAKE ERIE AND THE MISTAKE BY THE LAKE (CLEVELAND).

36. OKLAHOMA - LIKE THE PLAY, ONLY NO SINGING.

37. OREGON - SPOTTED OWL...IT'S WHAT'S FOR DINNER.

38. PENNSYLVANNIA - COOK WITH COAL.

39. RHODE ISLAND - WE'RE NOT REALLY AN ISLAND.

40. SOUTH CAROLINA - REMEMBER THE CIVIL WAR? WE DIDN'T ACTUALLY SURRENDER.

41. SOUTH DAKOTA - CLOSER THAN NORTH DAKOTA.

42. TENNESSEE - THE EDJUCASHUN STATE.

43. TEXAS - SI' HABLO INGLES.

44. UTAH - OUR JESUS IS BETTER THAN YOUR JESUS.

45. VERMONT - YEP.

46. VIRGINIA - WHO SAYS GOVERNMENT STIFFS AND SLACKJAW YOKELS DON'T MIX?
47. WASHINGTON - HELP! WE'RE OVERRUN BY NERDS AND SLACKERS.

48. WEST VIRGINIA - ONE BIG HAPPY FAMILY.....REALLY!

49. WISCONSIN - COME CUT THE CHEESE.

50. WYOMING - WHERE MEN ARE MEN.....AND THE SHEEP ARE SCARED!

AND FINALLY:

51. WASHINGTON, DC - WANNA BE MAYOR?