Humor Etc

June 29, 2007

Man accidently shoots self in the... Staten Island Ferry commuter Dwayne Baugh, 30, was arrested on charges of reckless endangerment and weapons possession after he accidentally shot himself in the testicle, the DA's Office said yesterday.

The bizarre incident occurred at 12:15 p.m. last Friday in the lower Manhattan ferry terminal, where Baugh was waiting to board a boat for the trip home, sources said.

Suddenly, for unknown reasons, the 9mm semiautomatic stuffed in his waistband discharged, cops said....full story from the New York Post

June 28, 2007

'Bullet-headache' man's wife held: A US woman is facing firearms charges after doctors probing her husband's "headache" found a bullet in his head.

Michael Moylan was admitted to hospital in Florida on Wednesday complaining of severe head pain. His wife April fled when a bullet was discovered....full story from the BBC

Cops hot dog it, chase Wienermobile: Oh, I wish I were an Oscar Mayer ... car thief? An Arizona Highway Patrol officer who ran the Wienermobile's plates as the vehicle traveled for a promotion briefly thought the giant hot dog on wheels was, well, hot.

The Wienermobile was on the road for a promotion in which contestants sing the Oscar Mayer jingle for a shot at appearing in a commercial and winning "American Idol" tickets....full story from CBS News

Pickpocket picks wrong pocket: A thief searched for an easy target around a Michigan convenience store, and settled on 72-year-old Bill Barnes.

What the pickpocket didn't know is that Barnes is a former Marine and Golden Gloves runner-up.

Barnes pummeled Jesse Daniel Rae, 27, who was then arrested on robbery charges....full story from the New York Post

June 27, 2007

Need a diversion to cut in the iPHONE line?: Why pay someone else big $$$ to wait in line if the only thing between you and the front of the line is a good diversion? Our tactics are guaranteed to be safe, effective, and even humorous!

With our proprietary combination of stink sauces and dangerous, exotic animals, two "attempts" in quick succession works over 60% of the time-- especially with nerds....full story from Dipster's LiveJournal

Trumpet causes scare in Salt Lake City: A suspicious package left outside a fast-food restaurant Wednesday turned out to be a trumpet that has sounded its last note.

Someone noticed a suspicious package, and several blocks were closed down for about two hours as police investigated....full story from CBS News

German muggers leave their own pictures behind: Two German teenagers robbed a girl but accidentally left their own pictures behind for police on a discarded mobile phone.

After stealing a 15-year-old's shoes, money and mobile phone, the two older girls gave her an old mobile phone, police in the western city of Bochum said on Wednesday....full story from Reuters UK

June 26, 2007

Shanghai drivers switch to music horns: Banned from honking their horns, drivers in China's commercial hub of Shanghai are switching to music or voice recordings to make themselves heard, a local newspaper reported Wednesday.

Shanghai banned honking in the downtown area beginning this month, threatening fines of up to 200 yuan ($13) for those leaning on the horn....full story from TCV

Italian beach bans men and children: Italy has opened its first women-only beach, away from the prying eyes and wandering hands of the country's notoriously lascivious men.

The beach, at the resort of Riccione on the Adriatic coast, is also closed to children.

Signs at the entrance say "No Men" and one depicts a macho-looking man with a diagonal line across his torso....full story from The Australian

June 25, 2007

$54M pants lawsuit gets pressed: A judge ruled Monday in favor of a dry cleaner that was sued for $54 million over a missing pair of pants.

The owners of Custom Cleaners did not violate the city's Consumer Protection Act by failing to live up to Roy L. Pearson's expectations of the "Satisfaction Guaranteed" sign that was once placed in the store window, District of Columbia Superior Court Judge Judith Bartnoff ruled....full story from Fox News

June 24, 2007

Race gives new meaning to beer run: Only in Wisconsin do beer and exercise mix. Several hundred people laced up Sunday morning for a two-mile charity race in which suds were the refresher of choice. Competitors in the 19th annual Beer Belly Two might not be considered athletes, but they know how to have a good time....full story from TCV

Missing films arrive after 34 years: Musty brown boxes containing educational films about the Netherlands have finally made their way back to western Michigan, 34 years late.

Holland, Mich., Postmaster John Masuga believes someone had the two boxes stored somewhere, found them and tossed them in a mail collection box. They already had metered postage and arrived in Holland from a bulk mail facility in Allen Park....full story from CBS News

June 23, 2007

Brothel prize a bit below the belt: A Victoria, Australia strip bar has sparked outrage by rewarding the winner of its Saturday night poker tournament with a brothel voucher.

Alley Cat Hotel owner Fred Scharkosi says the prize has made it the busiest Texas hold 'em poker house in Geelong....full story from NEWS.com.au

June 22, 2007

WWII plane will fly to England - 65 years late: A World War II fighter plane once entombed under hundreds of feet of snow and ice in Greenland is taking to the skies again to complete the mission it began nearly 65 years ago.

The P-38, dubbed Glacier Girl after being recovered, was scheduled to take off from New Jersey on Friday for another leg of a journey to Duxford, England. It should arrive there June 29....full story w/pic from IHT

Thieves steal car, can't drive it: Two thieves failed to make their getaway in a car they had just stolen because they couldn't figure out how to use the manual transmission, a witness said.

The teenagers armed with a gun approached a man outside a pizza restaurant in Marietta, Georgia, in the United States....full story from NEWS.com.au

Man sues after plane hits Lamborghini: An Oregon man has sued over a traffic accident that involved an unlikely pair of vehicles - his Lamborghini and a small plane piloted by FBI agents. The propeller from the Cessna airplane mangled the driver's side of the black Lamborghini that Marlowe Treit had given himself as a 60th birthday present in 1998.

Filed earlier this month, Treit's lawsuit against the U.S. government accuses the pilots of negligence in the May 2006 collision, and seeks $105,500 in damages....LINK RIP (CBS News: http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2007/06/22/ap/strange/main2970163.shtml)

June 21, 2007

Fancy a fake voyage to Mars?: The European Space Agency is looking for volunteers to make a pretend trip to Mars.

The job will last almost two years, the living conditions will be cramped and the food all pre-packed - just like on the spacecraft that might one day make the epic voyage to our remote red neighbour....full story from NEWS.com.au

June 20, 2007

Pentagon's raygun-packing 747 to visit DC: The Airborne Laser, the US Missile Defence programme's raygun-equipped jumbo jet, is to visit Washington tonight in an attempt to drum up support on Capitol Hill.

The Missile Defence Agency says the flying energy-weapon platform will fly into Andrews airforce base outside DC from its normal home at Edwards AFB in California. The 747 is expected to make a night landing, before being shown off to politicos, officials, and the media....full story w/pic from The Register
UPDATE:05/29/08: Video added: Boeing Airborne Laser Promo

How to clean your keyboard in the dishwasher: You've got a desktop keyboard. And it's stained, grimy and filled with crumbs - not to mention the odd short, curly hair that really can't have got there through natural means. What do you do? You put it in the Whirlpool, that's what.

At least, that's what Michele - the US' answer to The Register's Hardware Widow by the sounds of it - from Chicago-based consultancy Coudal Partners did. You can see the results on the company's website here, but here are some tasters from the movie she made....full story w/pics from The Register

Firemen cut man free from "vicegrip" sex toy: A Kent, England, man who got his manhood trapped in a padlock "after a sex game went wrong" had to be cut free by firemen, The Sun reports.

The unnamed victim, in his 50s, intially presented the coupling of padlock and pecker at his local fire station. They packed him off to hospital, but since docs "could do nothing", he was forced to return to seek expert help. Firemen eventually released the chap's wedding tackle using hydraulic cutters....full story from The Register

June 19, 2007

34 uses for that can of soda, other than quenching thirst: It's the Real Thing, it Adds Life, and You Gotta Have It, but that can or bottle of cola can also work wonders in an emergency. The chemical soup that makes up most commercial soft drinks not only makes them taste good and quench thirst, but also make them effective cleaning agents, bolt looseners, paint strippers, and possible skin softeners. More uses than MacGyver could think up....full story from The Bachelor Guy

June 18, 2007

Woman wins $29,000 for topless stroll: A woman arrested for exposing her breasts has accepted a $29,000 settlement from the city, her lawyer said.

Jill Coccaro, 27, was arrested on a topless stroll two years ago in Manhattan's Lower East Side section, despite a 1992 state appeals court ruling that concluded women should have the same right as men to take off their shirts....full story from The Conservative Voice

June 17, 2007

Mating hares block Milan Airport runways: Wild hares at Italy's Milan Linate airport seem to have only one thing on their mind, and their excessive mating and growing numbers have blocked takeoffs, landings and radar systems.

Officials on Sunday mounted a daylight raid to keep these furry creatures off the runways, part of a twice-annual capture to keep the airport population under control....LINK RIP (CBS News: http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2007/06/17/ap/strange/main2939943.shtml)

June 15, 2007

Outrage over 'sponsor a boob job' website: The British Association of Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons (BAAPS)* has administered a righteous shoeing to a website offering girls the chance to pitch for a boob job and chaps the opportunity of sponsoring the enhancements.

The offending site, www.myfreeimplants.com, asks the ladies: "Have you ever wanted bigger breasts? But couldn't afford the expensive costs of surgery? Here is your opportunity to earn Free Breast Implants!"....full story from The Register

Plymouth Belvedere pulled from tomb: Although the fate of a 1957 Plymouth Belvedere buried in a time capsule for 50 years in Tulsa, Oklahoma won't be known until tonight, its unveiling this afternoon did not appear promising.

"I think we got our work cut out for us," said Boyd Coddington, the host of the television show "American Hot Rod," and the man charged with getting the gold-and-white car to run. "It doesn't look good....full story from NewsOK.com
also on the web: buriedcar.com

June 14, 2007

Louisiana town outlaws 'sagging pants': A Louisiana town council has unanimously passed an ordinance aimed at tackling the public decency menace of low-slung trousers.

Delcambre Mayor Carol Broussard, earlier this week confirmed he will sign the proposal "to make wearing saggy trousers an act of indecent exposure", the BBC reports. He said: "If you expose your private parts, you'll get a fine." To absolutely clarify his position on the matter, he said of trouser low-riders: "They're better off taking the pants off and just wearing a dress....full story from The Register

Baby monitor picks up video from NASA: A mother of two in this suburb of Chicago doesn't have to turn on the news for an update on NASA's space mission. She just flips on her baby monitor. Since Sunday, Natalie Meilinger's baby monitor has been picking up black-and-white video from inside the space shuttle Atlantis....full story from The Conservative Voice

Cop interrupts pair having sex on crane: A police officer interrupted a couple's weekend sex romp on top of a 100-foot construction crane in Punta Gorda, Florida, but let them go with a warning, authorities said.

Police went to the construction site to investigate Saturday night after bystanders spotted the couple climbing into the cab of the crane. An officer's command to come down was followed by a naked foot popping over the railing, police said....LINK RIP (CBS News: http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2007/06/14/ap/strange/main2931799.shtml

June 13, 2007

Pentagon considered bomb to turn enemy soldiers gay: The Pentagon confirmed to CBS affiliate KPIX-TV it considered a chemical weapon that would turn enemy troops gay.

A watchdog organization that tracks military spending first uncovered the strange military proposal to create a hormone bomb that could purportedly turn enemy soldiers into homosexuals and make them more interested in sex than fighting....full story from Tampa Bay's 10 News

Two years in jail for stealing toilet paper: A sticky-fingered thief is facing up to two years in jail - for stealing toilet paper. Oh, and her name is Butts.

Police said Suzanne Marie Butts was caught swiping three rolls from bathrooms in the Marshall County Courthouse in Iowa....full story from the New York Post

'Beer boobs' ads are a boo-boo: BEER ads starring a bikini-clad woman under the title "Hahn boobs" are under fire for offensive sexism.

The state's peak health advisory body, VicHealth, has written to the Advertising Standards Bureau asking for the ads to be shelved....full story from NEWS.com.au

June 11, 2007

Thailand sacks randy sniffer dogs: Two "ace" sniffer dogs who have performed sterling service combating drug trafficking in Thailand's Chiang Rai airport have been given their marching orders for urinating on luggage and "sexually harassing" female passengers, the Bangkok Post reports.

Mok and Lai had apparently been "plucked from obscurity" as part of a cunning King Bhumibol Adulyadej plan to use strays as police dogs. They were deployed at said airport close to the border with Laos and Myanmar, but quickly attracted numerous complaints from the public due to their uninhibited behaviour....full story from The Register

Two jailed after bridge built by blind man collapses: A Chinese court has jailed two officials after they let a blind contractor build a bridge which collapsed during construction and injured 12 people, the official Xinhua news agency said on Monday.

Huang Wenge, township head of Bujia in the southeastern province of Jiangxi, and colleague Xia Jianzhong were sentenced to 18 months and one year in jail, respectively, for not stopping the project, Xinhua said....full story from Reuters UK

Blackout leaves coaster riders dangling: A dozen riders on a roller coaster in Hot Springs, Arkansas, spent half an hour hanging upside down 150 feet above the ground after a power outage shut down the attraction.

It took about 30 minutes for the city Fire Department to rescue the riders using a ladder truck Saturday evening, said Aundrea Crary, spokeswoman for the Springs & Crystal Falls amusement park....LINK RIP (CBS News: http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2007/06/10/ap/strange/main2908741.shtml)

June 10, 2007

Italian senator calls ambulance to beat traffic: An Italian senator's boast on television that he cheated traffic jams in Rome during a visit by U.S. President George W. Bush by calling an ambulance may cost him a court appearance, officials said on Sunday.

Conservative opposition senator Gustavo Selva risked being late for a TV interview on Saturday because streets around the Senate were blocked for Bush's visit....full story from Reuters UK

June 9, 2007

Beer or ice cream offered in exchange for cane toad pests: Residents in Darwin, Australia's rural areas will be swapping cane toads for ice-creams today as part of an incentive to rid the Northern Territory of the pests.

Over the last two weekends Territorians have been exchanging cane toads for beers in Darwin and Palmerston....full story from ABC News (Australia)

June 8, 2007

Spitters "gagged" in Australia: QUEENSLAND offenders known to be habitual spitters will be made to wear special headgear to prevent them spitting on police, the Queensland government says.

Police Minister Judy Spence said a successful 10-week trial ran in 11 watch-houses last year of the single-use, disposable spit nets which were similar to the garb worn by bee keepers....full story from The Australian

Connery says nay to Indiana Jones reprise: Sir Sean Connery will not play Indiana Jones's dad in the forthcoming fourth film of the series, the actor has confirmed.

Steven Spielberg is at the helm of the latest installment - slated for a 2008 release - which stars Harrison Ford, Ray Winstone, Cate Blanchett, and John Hurt. Connery, however, says in a statement on his website: "If anything could have pulled me out of retirement, it would have been an Indiana Jones film. But in the end, retirement is just too damned much fun."....full story from The Register

June 7, 2007

Parking meter-readers' vehicles not road-legal: Parking-meter readers in a West Virginia town were pulled over and told their new golf-cart-like vehicles were not road-legal and did not have proper tags.

Officials in Huntington had bought the new vehicles because they were more cost effective than the electric carts they had used previously....full story from The New York Post

June 5, 2007

Singapore radio fined for bra removal contest: A Singapore radio station was fined for organising a contest in which women were asked to remove their bra as quickly as possible from under their clothes.

Singapore's Media Development Authority said state-owned MediaCorp Radio would be fined S$15,000 (4,920 pounds) for broadcasting "exploitative and inappropriate content" in its programme "No Bra Days with the Muttons" in March....full story from Reuters UK

June 2, 2007

Drunks busted on horseback: Two inebriated Virginia residents trying not to drink and drive chose to ride their horses home instead, but still got busted.

Police were tipped off when they heard the saddled and soused pair shouting and slurring....full story from The New York Post